Ok. Let me just tell you. I LOVE it up here. There is no doubt in my mind that this is where I am supposed to be at this time. It's like Heavenly Father could not be more obvious if He tried. Anyway, the reason I am saying all of this is because I'm a little strange and take self-inventories a lot. So I was thinking the other day about my class where we went around and had to say one good thing about ourselves. Mine was that I was an empathetic listener. I was hoping that I wasn't the only one who thought that. Anyway, that class period has been on my mind a whole lot this semester because I want to make sure others know that too. However, I think I am a bit of a strange listener. When I'm listening, I am purely listening. One of the things we talked about in this class (today--like an 1.5 hours ago) was that most people listen and are already thinking about what they are going to say next. Thinking of a question, thinking of a response, making a connection to something that's happened to them as well..whatever. But I don't do that. I picture it out in my mind, all the little details, and then there's always an awkward pause after. I'm processing while the talker is processing how rude and weird I am. But it was all because I was caught off guard! So I was thinking that people think I am a terrible listener because I'm always quiet. Today I learned that it is quite the opposite.
Luckily for me, it shows you are listening more intently when you don't plan out responses. Actually there's a whole list of don'ts:
-Don't daydream
-Don't interrupt
-Don't respond automatically
-Don't anticipate what people will say before they say it
-Don't offer advice; it's better to let people arrive at their own conclusion
There's a poem my teacher read today too that was actually pretty right on:
When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.
When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.
When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.
When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do I feel offended, pressured and controlled.
When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed or discouraged, but I am not helpless.
When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.
But when you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you, and I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.
And when I do that, I don't need advice, just support, trust and encouragement.
Please remember that what you think are "irrational feelings" always make sense if you take time to listen and understand me.
So my goal for the rest of the semester is to make sure people know I am listening. Hopefully it comes just as a flow after a while. I don't want to be someone no one wants to talk to! This class is just amazing too. I am learning so much about how to be a better communicator!! And I think I still will have some bumps, but it's nothing a little practice can't fix, right? My teacher told us that active listening is a gift. It's a gift of something you consider so precious (your time) that you give it to someone you really care about. And it can physically exhaust you if you do it. So. No more complaints about that! Anyway, take Interpersonal Comm if you get the chance. It'll change your life, lemme tell ya.
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